


Cuil Measurement

by Hereisthere_gg



Series: What The Fuck Did I Just Write [1]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Denial of Univeral Laws Of Physics, I was going to write angst, Somehow, but i wrote this instead, see - Freeform, what, with character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 08:23:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9376595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hereisthere_gg/pseuds/Hereisthere_gg
Summary: Adrien asks you for Camembert.One Cuil = One level of abstraction away from the reality of a situation.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Adrien=you, you=I/me
> 
> To compare with the original. Yannow, instead of "You ask me" it's "Adrien asks you"
> 
> And Adrien because I'm biased and he fits in this fucked up abstract reality somehow which is still real, and just abstractly connected to ours, which could be seen as a fucked up abstract reality to negative Cuil realities
> 
> I think most people don't usually think this deep, based on what I've read of other people's thoughts, but I think about this shit over breakfast. Just, alternate absurd realities and Cuil over a bowl of Honey Nut Cherrios. If there was a Salty Spitoon for People Who Have A Strained Grip On Reality I would've eaten a bowl of nails or breakfast without any milk because hot damn are the lines blurred for me
> 
> Like who's to say that with how vivid my dreams are, that they aren't reality? And everything else is a dream? I'm as conscious in dreams as I am 'awake', which is why I remember them so well. WHOS TO FUCKING SAY 
> 
> NO ONE K N O W S 
> 
> WE ONLY HAVE ACCESS TO 10% OF OUR WHOLE BRAINS BRUH WHOS TO SAY THAT OUR SUBCONSCIOUSNESS IS A MENTAL PORTAL TO OTHER UNIVERSES AND REALITIES
> 
> WHAT IS LIFE BRUH
> 
> ITS ALL A PROGRAM THE FUCHKING MATRIX MAN
> 
> LIFE "FYWOOOOM" DOSGE THOSE BULLETS TO ESCAPE THE SIMULATION THAT IS LIFE
> 
> WHOS TO FUCKING SAY

1 Cuil: if Adrien asked you for Camembert, and you gave him a cat.

2 Cuils: If Adrien asked you for Camembert, but it turns out you don't really exist. Where you were originally standing, a picture of a round of Camembert rests on the ground.

3 Cuils: Adrien awakens as a round of Camembert. Adrien starts screaming only to have liquid Camembert fly from his lips. The world is in night vision.

4 Cuils: Why are we speaking Japanese? A mime cries softly as he cradles a jug of milk. Marinette's grandfather stares at you as the milk falls apart into slices of Camembert. Adrien looks down only to see you with Camembert slices for eyes, you am singing the song that gives birth to the universe.

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

5 Cuils: Adrien asks for Camemebert, you give Adrien Camembert. Adrien raises it to Tikki's lips and she takes a bite. Adrien's eye twitches involuntarily. Across the street a father of three falls down the stairs. Adrien swallows and look down at the Camembert in his hands. You give Adrien Camembert. Adrien swallows and looks down at the Camembert in his hands. Adrien cannot swallow. There are children at the top of the stairs. A bead of runny Camembert shifts uneasily under the surface. You give Adrien Camembert. Adrien looks at your face, and you am pleading with him. The children are crying now. Adrien raises the hamburger to Tikki's lips, tears stream down his face as she takes a bite. You give Adrien Camembert. Adrien is on his knees. Adrien pleads with you to go across the street. You hear only children's laughter. You give Adrien Camembert. Adrien is screaming as he falls down the stairs. You are his child. Adrien cannot see anything. Tikki takes a bite of Camembert. The concrete rushes up to meet Adrien. Adrien awakes with a start in his own bed. Adrien's eye twitches involuntarily. You give Adrien Camembert. As he kills you, you do not make a sound. You give Adrien Camembert.

6 Cuils: Adrien asks you for Camembert. Your attempt to reciprocate is cut brutally short as your body experiences a sudden lack of electrons. Across a variety of hidden dimensions Adrien is dismayed. Jagged Stone hands you an apple, but it slips through your fingers. You are reborn as a panther. Adrien disapproves. A crack echoes through the universe in defiance of conventional physics as cosmological background noise shifts from randomness to a perfect A Flat. Children everywhere stop what they are doing and hum along in perfect pitch with the background radiation. Birds fall from the sky as the sun engulfs the earth. Adrien hesitates momentarily before allowing himself to assume the locus of all knowledge. Entropy crumbles as he peruses the information contained within the universe. A small library in Toulouse ceases to exist. Adrien stumbles under the weight of everythingness, His mouth opens up to cry out, and collapses around his body before blinking him out of the spatial plane. Adrien exists only within the fourth dimension. The fountainhead of all knowledge rolls along the ground and collides with a small dog. Your head tastes sideways as spacetime is reestablished, Adrien blinks back into the corporeal world disoriented, only for you to hand him Camembert as your body collapses under the strain of reconstitution. The universe has reasserted itself. A particular small dog is fed steak for the rest of its natural life. Adrien dies in a freak accident moments later, and his soul works at the returns desk for the Toulouse library. Adrien disapproves. His disapproval sends ripples through the inter-dimensional void between life and death. A small child begins to cry as he walks toward the stairway where his father stands.

**Author's Note:**

> I had to make Tikki eat the cheese because Adrien eating it almost made sense and I was like "no we can't have that Cuil is a b s t r a c t"


End file.
